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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151072">Crash Into You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3'>robin_X3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Durarara!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And Shizuo is an oblivious idiot, Attempt at Humor, Bad Flirting, Crack, Fluff and Crack, How did it get like this?, Humor, It started with a meme, Izaya is bad at flirting, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:36:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It started from a meme:</i>
</p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i> Crashing your car into attractive people(‘s cars) in order to get their number. </i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</blockquote>In which Izaya crashes his car into Shizuo to get his number.<br/>[This fic is a part of a series of (un)related one-shots in which Shizuo gets a new job and Izaya manages to get him fired.]
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Crash Into You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliot_S_Roy/gifts">Elliot_S_Roy</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RUThbtIan1810/gifts">RUThbtIan1810</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started out as most things tend to nowadays. </p><p>It started with a meme:</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Crashing your car into attractive people in order to get their number.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>(Not like Izaya didn’t already have everyone’s number already. He <b>was</b> an information broker.)</p><p> </p><p>It made Izaya laugh.</p><p>Not his silent, sneaky chuckles.</p><p>No, he snorted out loud, rising in intensity until his whole body shook with his laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Namie looked up from the documents she was sorting through, shuddered, and sneaked a hand into her drawer where she kept her stun gun out of fear that one day, with the kind of life Izaya led, she’d have to fend for herself with it. Today seemed like one such fine day- Izaya Orihara, the greatest internet troll of all time, was laughing at internet trolls- he’d finally gone berserk.</p><p> </p><p>“..oww. I haven’t laughed like that in forever.” Izaya huffed, holding on to his stomach, and wiped away stray tears from the corner of his eyes. “You can put that away Namie, I haven’t gone berserk...yet.” He smirked at her.</p><p> </p><p>Namie glared in return and placed the stun gun on top of her table, in plain sight for both of them, as a silent “We’ll see about that.”</p><p> </p><p>“By the way, Namie. Book me an appointment at this place, in an hour. Then you can take the day off,” Izaya said in passing as he climbed up the stairs, heading to his bedroom. “I have a <em>date</em> to catch.”</p><p> </p><p>Namie looked at the name of the place Izaya had sent her: SS International Driving School. “But you don’t even have a car Izaya!?” She called out, but he was gone. She sighed. Heaven only knew what shenanigan Izaya was up to now.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>1… 2… 3.</p><p>Breathe in.  </p><p> </p><p>3… 2… 1.</p><p>Breathe out.</p><p> </p><p>Shizuo practiced his breathing exercise, and it did help him calm down.</p><p> </p><p>Yes. Kasuka was right. He could do this. </p><p> </p><p>He picked up his instructor’s cap, placing it securely on his head, and looked at the mirror, attempting what Kasuka had dubbed to be a “customer service” smile. It only made him look constipated, so he dropped that sad attempt, picking up his clipboard and pen and walked out of the changing room, heading for the seating area where he would meet his first ever student.</p><p> </p><p>Shizuo wasn’t going to lie to himself- he was actually a little excited. He hoped it would be a good obedient kid. Or adult. Whichever. He wouldn’t judge. His impulse learnt driving certificate was finally coming to a good use- he was here to teach, and teach he will!</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning, Heiwajima san.” The manager at the desk called out to him, beckoning him over. “Here’s your student.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning.” Shizuo started his greeting that he’d practiced in front of the mirror at least a hundred times the day before. “I will be your instructor for the day. Heiwajima Shizu-” Shizuo stopped mid greeting, eyes bulging out of their sockets.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Orihara Izaya, and I will be in your firm hands today, Heiwajima Shizu-chan.” Izaya smiled his devilish smile, and Shizuo saw red.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Izaya fixed the rearview mirror, eyeing Shizuo from the corner of his eyes instead of focusing on the many meters and gauges that Shizuo was pointing at one by one and shooting off mundane instructions with the cutest frown. He couldn’t wait to turn that frown into a full-blown glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn Shizu chan, what does that gearstick do?”</p><p> </p><p>“A gear stick is used to change gear at the same time as depressing the clutch pedal with the one’s foot to disengage the engine from the..”</p><p> </p><p>“You can gear my stick, if you know what I mean.” Izaya winked.</p><p> </p><p>“No I don’t actually. Is there something in your eye?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d let you check it out. You could also check out my exhaust pipes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I checked everything before we got in. We already went over all of this Izaya. You used to be one of the smartest kids in class. It’s not that hard. Do you remember what I said about turning corners?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jog my memory.” Izaya smothered a grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t go too deep.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what she said.”</p><p> </p><p>“Who?” </p><p> </p><p>“Ugh.” Izaya groaned. Since when was Shizu chan such a nerd? Izaya had been trying so hard to make Shizuo lose his cool but it wasn’t working. Shizuo was too much of a car nerd, or too serious about teaching, or a combination of both, or just straight up too innocent, to get all his nuances and innuendos. It was making Izaya lose<em> his cool </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“..alright. I think that’s about it.” Shizuo sounded a little nervous. “You ready to take a test drive Izaya?”</p><p> </p><p>Something clicked in Izaya’s brain.</p><p> </p><p>“Not with you inside.”</p><p> </p><p>“I..don’t understand.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not doing it with you here.”</p><p> </p><p>“But.. you don’t know how to drive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Shizu chan, you dumb protozoan, that’s why I’m here, at a driving training institute, taking lessons from a pea brain like you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to be mean.” Shizuo sighed, and gave up. “Alright I’m stepping out. You make sure to not shift gears and do exactly like I taught you, okay?” Shizuo said carefully as he eased out of the car, shutting the door. He’d only walked as far as the first corner when he heard it- the engine revving.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh oh.” In slow motion, Shizuo turned his head around. “Izaya?”</p><p> </p><p>“HehehehehahahahHAHHAHHA.” Izaya laughed like a maniac and stepped on the accelerator, and aimed straight for Shizuo, full throttle.</p><p> </p><p>“IZAYAAA!!!” Shizuo made a run for it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you running? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING SHIZU CHAN?”</p><p> </p><p>“FUCK YOUU IZAYA!”</p><p> </p><p>“COME HERE AND FUCK ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD!”</p><p> </p><p>“NO YOU!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So…?” Kadota asked, seeing Shizuo enter the bar looking like he’d been steamrolled over. Even though something told him he shouldn’t, out of common courtesy (and a little curiosity), he had to ask: “How was the first day at work?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t even get me started!” Shizuo barked.</p><p> </p><p>Simon slid over a glass of cold milk wordlessly.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Simon.” Shizuo gulped it down all at once, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. </p><p> </p><p>Taking in a deep lungful of oxygen, Shizuo got started on his rant, “That shitty flea..”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Ok ok. Hold up.”</p><p> </p><p>Shizuo sipped quietly as Kadota processed all of what Shizuo had told him so far.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re telling me, you spent the better half of a day teaching Izaya?" Shizuo nodded. "The same Izaya Orihara with whom you couldn’t even spend a single civil class together in school, without blowing up in his face?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. What’s so crazy about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s so..” Kadota choked on his words, coughing a little, and took a sip from the nearest glass, which happened to be Shizuo’s glass of milk. </p><p> </p><p>Shizuo growled quietly, as a warning not to do it again.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. What I meant to say was, is there a reason you didn’t get angry at Izaya today, you know up until he tried to run you over, and you ended up crashing the car into the office and got fired, resulting in a 2 hour long chase through Ikebukuro?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm..” Shizuo rubbed his chin, deep in thought. “Maybe it’s because, for the first time ever, I knew something that Izaya didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Kadota guffawed out loud, and even Simon chuckled a little from across the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“Although..” Shizuo looked confused, and Kadota leaned in to hear him better. “Do you happen to know what he meant when Izaya said if he were a car door, he’d let me slam him all night?”</p><p> </p><p>Kadota choked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have no excuse for this. My horny brain wanted thirsty-but-awkward Izaya trying to court Shizuo but failing brilliantly and getting him fired from his many odd jobs....and so this little monster was born. I'm thinking of making this into a series.... Should I? 🤔<br/>Edit#1: I turned this into a series of oneshots! Woohoo~!<br/>Edit#2: I just realized, Izaya didn't get to ask for Shizuo's number xD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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